Are Your Past Attachments Shaping Your Present Relationships?
Have you ever wondered why you react the way you do in relationships? Why some people seem to effortlessly navigate romantic partnerships while others struggle? The answer might lie in something called attachment styles.
As a counsellor in Surrey and Hampshire, I've seen how our early attachments can play a huge role in our adult relationships. It's as though we are all carrying around an invisible blueprint, shaped by our childhood experiences, that influences how we connect with others.
So what exactly are attachment styles? Well, they're patterns of behaviour in relationships that we develop, based on our earliest bonds, usually with our parents or primary caregivers. These styles tend to stick with us into adulthood influencing how we relate to romantic partners, friends and even colleagues.
There are four main attachment styles: secure, anxious, avoidant and disorganised. Let's break them down a bit:
Secure attachment is like hitting the relationship jackpot. These lucky folks generally feel comfortable with intimacy and independence. They're the ones who can have a tiff with their partner and not worry it's the end of the world.
Anxious attachment is a bit like being on an emotional rollercoaster. If you have this style you might find yourself constantly worrying about your relationship, seeking reassurance and feeling insecure.
Avoidant attachment is like having an "keep out" sign on your heart. People with this style often struggle with intimacy and may push partners away when they get too close.
Disorganised attachment is a mix of anxious and avoidant styles. It's like wanting closeness but being terrified of it at the same time. It can be a confusing and difficult style to navigate.
Now, you might be thinking, "Well, that's just great. I'm doomed to repeat my childhood patterns forever." But here's the good news: attachment styles are not set in stone. With awareness and effort we can shift towards a more secure attachment style.
Understanding your attachment style can be like finding a key to unlock healthier relationships. It can help you make sense of your behaviour patterns, communicate better with your partner and work towards building more fulfilling connections.
If you're struggling in your relationships and suspect your attachment style might be playing a role then you are not alone. Many of us grapple with these issues but there's hope and help available.
As a counsellor, I work with individuals and couples to explore their attachment styles and develop strategies for healthier relationships. It's amazing to see the positive changes that can happen when people understand and start to shift their attachment patterns.
Ready to explore your own attachment style and how it might be influencing your relationships? Reach out to me at Imogen Ellis Jones Counselling. Together, we can work on understanding your relationship patterns and developing more secure, satisfying connections. After all, we all deserve to feel secure and valued in our relationships. Let's start that journey together!
How Hypnotherapy Can Improve Your Sleep
Have you ever found yourself wide awake at 2 am watching the minutes tick by and wondering why on earth you can't just fall asleep? If you're nodding your head (or stifling a yawn) you're not alone. Sleep troubles are incredibly common and they can leave us feeling like zombies during the day.
As a counsellor and hypnotherapist, in Surrey and Hampshire, I've seen firsthand how lack of sleep can turn our lives upside down. It's not just about feeling tired - poor sleep can make us grumpy, forgetful, and even impact our physical health. It's like trying to function with a foggy brain and lead weights for limbs.
But here's the good news: your mind is an amazing tool and hypnotherapy can help you tap into its power to improve your sleep. You may be thinking - isn't hypnosis just for making people bark like dogs on stage? Not at all! Clinical hypnotherapy, deeply rooted in science, is a safe, natural way to help you relax deeply and change those annoying thought patterns that keep you up at night.
So how does it work? Well, during a hypnotherapy session for sleep, we work together to guide you into a state of deep relaxation. It's a little like that drowsy feeling you get just before you drift off to sleep. In this state your subconscious mind is more open to positive suggestions.
We might focus on calming those racing thoughts that keep you tossing and turning or instead, perhaps, address any worries that are interfering with your sleep. Hypnotherapy can also help you establish better sleep habits making it easier for your body and mind to wind down at the end of the day.
One of the great things about hypnotherapy is that it's tailored to you. Maybe you struggle to fall asleep in the first place or perhaps you wake up in the middle of the night and can't get back to sleep. Whatever your specific sleep issues we can talk together to find solutions that work for you.
And the best part? The techniques you learn in hypnotherapy are tools you can use on your own whenever you need them.
If you're tired of being tired, why not give hypnotherapy a try? Together we can work on helping you get the restful, rejuvenating sleep you deserve. Sweet dreams don't have to be just a dream - they can be your reality.
Ready to say goodbye to those sleepless nights? Reach out to Imogen Ellis Jones Counselling today, and let's get started on your journey to better sleep. After all, a good night's sleep isn't just a luxury - it's essential for your wellbeing. Let's work together to help you wake up feeling refreshed, energised, and ready to face the day!
Feeling Invisible? How to Address Being Taken for Granted in Your Relationship
Have you ever felt like your partner just doesn't see you anymore? Like all the little things you do day in and day out go unnoticed, unappreciated? If you're nodding your head right now, you're not alone. Being taken for granted in a relationship is a common issue that many of us face, and it can leave you feeling invisible, unimportant, and downright frustrated.
As a counsellor in Surrey and Hampshire, I've seen countless couples grappling with this very issue. It often starts small – maybe your partner stops saying "thank you" for the everyday things you do, or they begin to expect you to handle all the household chores without lifting a finger themselves. Before you know it, you're feeling more like a roommate (or worse, a housekeeper) than a loved and valued partner.
Being taken for granted can manifest in many ways. Perhaps your partner always expects you to be available when they need you, but rarely makes time for your needs. Maybe they've stopped putting effort into date nights or romantic gestures. Or it could be that they simply don't seem to listen when you talk about your day or your feelings.
Whatever form it takes, being taken for granted can chip away at your self-esteem and leave you questioning your worth in the relationship. You might find yourself feeling resentful, angry, or even considering whether the relationship is worth saving.
But before you throw in the towel, there are steps you can take to address the issue and reconnect with your partner.
Remember that it's okay to say no sometimes and set healthy boundaries. This isn't about being difficult; it's about showing your partner that your needs matter too. Don't forget to take care of yourself in the process. When you value yourself and your own interests, it often encourages others to value you as well.
And always remember, your worth isn't determined by your partner's recognition – you are inherently deserving of love and appreciation. If you're finding it tough to navigate these waters on your own, don't be afraid to reach out for support. Sometimes, an outside perspective can make all the difference in helping you find your way back to each other.
Remember, a healthy relationship is built on mutual respect, appreciation, and effort from both partners. If you're feeling taken for granted, it's important to address the issue before resentment builds and causes irreparable damage to your relationship.
If you're finding it difficult to navigate this challenging situation, know that you don't have to face it alone. As a couples counsellor at Imogen Ellis Jones Counselling, I'm here to provide a safe, non-judgmental space for you and your partner to work through these issues together.
Combining Counselling and Hypnotherapy: A Holistic Approach to Mental Well-being
Have you ever wondered if there's a way to dive deeper into your unconscious mind and unlock the power of lasting change? As a counsellor and hypnotherapist in Surrey and Hampshire, I've witnessed firsthand the incredible synergy that occurs when these two therapeutic approaches are combined.
Hypnotherapy is a powerful tool that works hand in hand with counselling to help you access your unconscious mind – that part of your psyche that holds the key to your behaviours, beliefs and automatic reactions. It's like having a secret gateway to your mind allowing you to identify and change the behaviours that may be holding you back.
Through certain relaxation techniques, hypnotherapy guides you into a wonderful state of deep relaxation where your unconscious mind becomes more open and receptive to positive suggestions and change. It is a safe and natural process that empowers you to break free from limiting patterns and embrace new, healthier ways of being.
Counselling, on the other hand, uses the conscious mind to provide a safe non-judgmental space for you to explore your thoughts, feelings and experiences. This is a place where you can gain insight into the root causes of your challenges and develop strategies for personal growth and change.
When we combine the power of counselling and hypnotherapy something truly magical happens. Together we can work to identify and understand the unconscious and conscious beliefs and patterns that are influencing your life and then use the tools of hypnotherapy to enable your mind to make the changes you wish to see.
Whether you're struggling with anxiety, stress, phobias, low self-esteem or relationship issues the combination of counselling and hypnotherapy can help you unlock your inner resources and create lasting transformation.
In my practice, I often incorporate elements of person-centred counselling and psychodynamic models into hypnotherapy sessions. This holistic approach allows us to tailor the treatment to your unique needs and goals ensuring that you receive the most effective support possible.
If you feel ready to embark on a journey of self-discovery and personal growth, I invite you to experience the transformative power of counselling and hypnotherapy. Together we can work to uncover your hidden strengths, overcome obstacles and create the life you've always dreamed of.
Take the first step towards unlocking your full potential. Contact Imogen Ellis Jones Counselling today to schedule a session and discover how the synergy of counselling and hypnotherapy can help you achieve profound, lasting change.
Blurred Lines: Spotting the Signs of Microcheating
Do you catch your partner laughing at their phone, typing away with a smile on their face? You may ask them what's so funny and they quickly dismiss it saying "Oh, it's nothing." Perhaps something about their behaviour just doesn't sit right with you but you’re not sure what is happening. Did it cross your mind that they might be microcheating?
As a counsellor in Surrey and Hampshire I've seen how the digital age has blurred the lines of emotional and physical infidelity. Microcheating, a term that's been gaining traction in recent years, refers to those seemingly small actions that may not be as harmless as they appear.
So, what exactly is microcheating?
It's the little things that might not be considered outright cheating but still fall into a grey area. It could be constantly liking and commenting on someone's social media posts, engaging in flirtatious banter online or at work or even confiding in someone else about the intimate details of your relationship.
While these actions may seem innocent enough, they can slowly erode the trust and emotional connection in your partnership. When your partner is investing time and energy into someone else, even if it hasn't turned physical, it can leave you feeling neglected, insecure and questioning the strength of your bond.
If you find yourself in a situation where you suspect your partner might be microcheating, trust your instincts. Some common signs include:
• Your partner is secretive about their phone or online activity
• They downplay or dismiss your concerns about their behaviour
• You notice them spending more time with online interactions instead of quality time with you
• They become defensive or evasive when you ask about their digital communications
• You feel a growing distance or lack of emotional intimacy in your relationship
Remember, a healthy partnership is built on trust, respect and open communication. If your partner is willing to work with you to address the issue of microcheating then it's possible to rebuild a stronger and more connected relationship.
However, if your partner dismisses your feelings or continues to engage in hurtful behaviour, it may be time to re-evaluate your relationship and consider if it aligns with your needs and values.
If you're struggling to navigate the blurred lines of microcheating in your relationship, you really don't have to face it alone. As a couple's counsellor, at Imogen Ellis Jones Counselling, I'm here to provide a safe, non-judgmental space for you and your partner to work through these challenges together.
Together, we can help you identify the underlying issues, develop healthy communication skills and build a relationship that prioritises trust, respect and emotional intimacy. If you're ready to take the first step towards a stronger, more fulfilling partnership, I invite you to reach out and schedule a session today.
Is Your Partner Gaslighting You? Recognising the Red Flags in Your Relationship
Have you ever found yourself questioning your own memories or feelings in your relationship? Do you constantly second-guess yourself, wondering if you're being too sensitive or overreacting? If these experiences sound familiar then you might be a victim of gaslighting.
As a counsellor in Surrey and Hampshire, I've seen the impact that gaslighting can have on individuals and their relationships. It's a subtle yet manipulative form of emotional abuse that can leave you feeling confused, isolated and even questioning your own sanity.
Imagine coming home from a night out with friends and your partner accuses you of flirting with someone at the bar. You're certain that you were just being friendly but they insist that they saw you crossing the line. They make you doubt your own memory and you find yourself apologising for something you're not even sure you did.
Or perhaps you've expressed your feelings about a hurtful comment your partner made only to have them tell you that you're being too sensitive and that they never said anything of the sort. Over time these instances of manipulation can erode your self-confidence and make you question your own perceptions.
Gaslighting is named after the 1938 play ‘Gas Light’ in which a husband manipulates his wife into doubting her own sanity. In reality gaslighting can take many forms from denying events that you clearly remember to twisting your words and using them against you.
If you find yourself constantly apologising, feeling like you're walking on eggshells or questioning your own judgment then these could be warning signs that you're experiencing gaslighting in your relationship. It's important to remember that this is not your fault, and you are not alone.
Breaking free from the cycle of gaslighting takes courage and support. As a first step try to validate your own experiences and feelings. Reach out to trusted friends, family members or a professional counsellor who can provide a safe space for you to share your story and receive guidance.
Remember, you deserve a relationship built on trust, respect and mutual understanding. If you're struggling with gaslighting I invite you to reach out to me at Imogen Ellis Jones Counselling. Together we can work on rebuilding your self-worth, setting healthy boundaries and developing the tools you need to navigate this challenging situation.
Coping with Loneliness: Building a Support System During Separation
In my experience as a counsellor in Surrey and Hampshire, I've witnessed firsthand the huge impact that separation can have on individuals. It's a time filled with uncertainty, heartache, and yes, loneliness. But here's the thing – you're not alone in feeling lonely. It's a common experience that many people go through during separation. So, let's talk about how to cope with loneliness and build a support system that can help you navigate this challenging time.
Loneliness during separation can feel overwhelming, but it's essential to understand that it's a natural response to the loss of companionship and routine that comes with separation. You might find yourself missing the little everyday moments shared with your partner or feeling adrift without their presence. It's okay to feel this way, and acknowledging your feelings is the first step towards finding comfort and support.
Building a support system is key to coping with loneliness during separation. Reach out to friends, family members, or even colleagues who can offer a listening ear and a shoulder to lean on. Sometimes, just knowing that someone is there to listen can make all the difference in the world. And if you're feeling overwhelmed, don't hesitate to seek professional counselling or therapy. Talking to a trained therapist can provide invaluable support and guidance as you navigate this challenging time.
Navigating relationships with others during separation can be tricky, but it's important to focus on healthy connections. Be honest with your friends and family about how you're feeling, and let them know what kind of support you need. Whether it's a simple chat over coffee or a night out with friends, don't underestimate the power of human connection in easing feelings of loneliness.
Self-care is another crucial aspect of coping with loneliness during separation. Take time to focus on yourself and your well-being. Engage in activities that bring you joy and fulfilment, whether it's painting, gardening, or going for a walk in nature. Remember to try to take care of your physical health as well – eat well, exercise regularly, and get plenty of rest.
Coping with loneliness during separation is challenging, but it's not insurmountable. By reaching out for support, nurturing healthy relationships, and practising self-care, you can navigate this difficult time with resilience and strength. Remember, you're not alone, and there are people who care about you and want to help. So, don't hesitate to reach out and lean on your support system when you need it most.
If you're struggling with loneliness during separation and need support, don't hesitate to reach out to Imogen Ellis Jones Counselling. I'm here to help you navigate this challenging time with empathy and understanding. Contact me today to schedule a counselling session and take the first step towards healing and resilience.
Managing the Bristle Effect: Navigating Intimacy in Relationships
As a counsellor in Surrey and Hampshire, I've noticed a growing trend that's sparking conversations and searches across the internet. With over 2.8 million Google searches the ‘Bristle Effect’ has gathered momentum as more individuals find themselves grappling with this phenomenon. Coined by Vanessa Marin, the host of the Pillow Talk podcast, it's a term that describes that moment of hesitation when their partner's touch feels, well, not quite right.
Picture this: your partner leans in for a kiss, and instead of feeling butterflies, you're hit with a sense of dread. "He's kissing my neck. That can only mean one thing, and I don't want that right now." Sound familiar? You're not alone. It's like your body's instinctive reaction is saying, "No !”
Mismatched sex drives are totally normal in relationships. Some of us are more comfortable with physical touch than others and that's okay. But what if the recoil has nothing to do with your partner at all? It could be linked to past trauma, resentment within the relationship, feelings of being unattractive or simply craving a deeper connection from your partner.
So, how do we manage the Bristle Effect?
Honesty is Key
It's important to be open and honest with your partner about how you're feeling. Instead of letting discomfort simmer beneath the surface try your best to have a calm heart-to-heart conversation. Share your thoughts and emotions in a compassionate and understanding manner. Remember, communication is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship.
Discover Your Love Language
Have you ever heard of Gary Chapman's five love languages? Take the quiz to discover your and your partner's. Understanding how you both express and receive love can provide invaluable insights into your relationship dynamics. From acts of service to physical touch, each love language is unique, and knowing yours can help bridge any gaps in communication.
Me Time is Essential
In the hustle and bustle of everyday life, it's easy to forget to prioritise yourself. Schedule regular "me time" and communicate this with your partner. Whether it's indulging in a solo hobby, taking a long bubble bath, or simply curling up with a good book, carving out time for self-care is essential for maintaining balance and harmony in your relationship.
Connect with Your Body: Sometimes the Bristle Effect can stem from feelings of insecurity or poor body image. Engage in activities that help you reconnect positively with your body. Whether it's going for a hike, practising yoga or treating yourself to a pampering spa day, find what makes you feel confident and empowered in your own skin.
Share the Load
Don't forget to share the responsibilities at home whether it's childcare, household chores or financial management. Feeling overwhelmed with tasks can take a toll on your emotional well-being and, consequently, your intimacy with your partner. By working together as a team you can lighten the load and create more time and space for intimacy and connection.
Prioritise Touch Every Day
Finally, prioritise touch every day, but remember, it doesn't always have to lead to sex. Whether it's a gentle hug, a lingering kiss or simply holding hands while watching TV, physical touch is a powerful way to foster closeness and connection with your partner taking the pressure off physical intimacy.
Ready to navigate the Bristle Effect and strengthen your relationship? Reach out to me today. Let's work together to create a more intimate and fulfilling connection with your partner.
.png/$file/mncsaccredlogo($1$).png)