Adv Dip Couns MNCPS (Accred), Dip Sup, DC Hyp (MNRAH), Lic ASK Counselling in Farnham for Couples & Individuals

Have you ever found yourself checking your phone repeatedly, wondering why your partner hasn't texted back? Or lying awake at night, replaying conversations and worrying about what they 'really' meant? If this sounds familiar, you might be experiencing relationship anxiety.

As a counsellor specialising in anxiety in Surrey and Hampshire, I've supported many people who struggle with these overwhelming feelings. The good news? You're not alone, and there are ways to manage these challenging emotions.

What Does Relationship Anxiety Feel Like?

Why Do We Experience It?

The Impact on Your Relationship

Breaking Free from Anxiety's Grip

When to Seek Support

Have you ever felt like you and your partner are speaking different languages when it comes to showing love? You might be right! As a counsellor in Surrey and Hampshire I've seen how understanding, and using the concept of 'love languages',can breathe new life into relationships.

The idea of love languages, developed by Dr Gary Chapman, suggests that we all have preferred ways of giving and receiving love. It's as though we're all walking around with different emotional dictionaries, and sometimes our translations get a bit muddled.

So, what are these love languages? There are five:

Words of Affirmation: For these folks, hearing "I love you" or receiving compliments means the world.

Acts of Service: These people feel most loved when their partner does things for them like making dinner or running errands.

Receiving Gifts: It's not about materialism; it's about the thought and effort behind the gift that counts.

Quality Time: This language is all about undivided attention and spending meaningful time together.

Physical Touch: From holding hands to hugs, physical affection is key for these individuals.

Now here's where it gets interesting. Your love language might be completely different from your partner's. You might be showering them with gifts, while they're wondering why you never tell them how much you appreciate them.

Understanding love languages isn't about changing who you are. It's about learning to communicate love in a way your partner can truly hear and feel it. It's like learning to say "I love you" in a language they understand.

For example, if your partner's love language is Acts of Service, surprising them by doing the laundry might mean more than an expensive gift. Or, if they value Quality Time, putting away your phone and having a real conversation could be more impactful than a quick "love you" text.

The beauty of love languages is that they apply to all relationships and not just romantic ones. They can help you connect better with friends, family, and even colleagues.

So how can you use this knowledge to improve your relationship? Start by figuring out your own love language and your partner's. There are plenty of online quizzes you can take together. Then make a conscious effort to 'speak' your partner's language more often.

Remember, it's not about keeping score or changing your natural way of expressing love. It's about expanding your love vocabulary to include expressions that really resonate with your partner.

Learning to speak each other's love languages can lead to deeper understanding, fewer misunderstandings and a stronger, more fulfilling relationship. It's like finding the right key to unlock a whole new level of connection.

If you're struggling to communicate love effectively in your relationship, or if you'd like to explore this concept further, I'm here to help. At Imogen Ellis Jones Counselling we can work together to understand your love languages and use them to enhance your relationships.
After all, love is a universal language but sometimes we all need a bit of help with the translation. Ready to become fluent in your partner's love language? Let's start that journey together!

Have you ever wondered why you react the way you do in relationships? Why some people seem to effortlessly navigate romantic partnerships while others struggle? The answer might lie in something called attachment styles.

As a counsellor in Surrey and Hampshire, I've seen how our early attachments can play a huge role in our adult relationships. It's as though we are all carrying around an invisible blueprint, shaped by our childhood experiences, that influences how we connect with others.

So what exactly are attachment styles? Well, they're patterns of behaviour in relationships that we develop, based on our earliest bonds, usually with our parents or primary caregivers. These styles tend to stick with us into adulthood influencing how we relate to romantic partners, friends and even colleagues.

There are four main attachment styles: secure, anxious, avoidant and disorganised. Let's break them down a bit:

Secure attachment is like hitting the relationship jackpot. These lucky folks generally feel comfortable with intimacy and independence. They're the ones who can have a tiff with their partner and not worry it's the end of the world.

Anxious attachment is a bit like being on an emotional rollercoaster. If you have this style you might find yourself constantly worrying about your relationship, seeking reassurance and feeling insecure.

Avoidant attachment is like having an "keep out" sign on your heart. People with this style often struggle with intimacy and may push partners away when they get too close.

Disorganised attachment is a mix of anxious and avoidant styles. It's like wanting closeness but being terrified of it at the same time. It can be a confusing and difficult style to navigate.

Now, you might be thinking, "Well, that's just great. I'm doomed to repeat my childhood patterns forever." But here's the good news: attachment styles are not set in stone. With awareness and effort we can shift towards a more secure attachment style.

Understanding your attachment style can be like finding a key to unlock healthier relationships. It can help you make sense of your behaviour patterns, communicate better with your partner and work towards building more fulfilling connections.

If you're struggling in your relationships and suspect your attachment style might be playing a role then you are not alone. Many of us grapple with these issues but there's hope and help available.

As a counsellor, I work with individuals and couples to explore their attachment styles and develop strategies for healthier relationships. It's amazing to see the positive changes that can happen when people understand and start to shift their attachment patterns.

Ready to explore your own attachment style and how it might be influencing your relationships? Reach out to me at Imogen Ellis Jones Counselling. Together, we can work on understanding your relationship patterns and developing more secure, satisfying connections. After all, we all deserve to feel secure and valued in our relationships. Let's start that journey together!

Have you ever found yourself wide awake at 2 am watching the minutes tick by and wondering why on earth you can't just fall asleep? If you're nodding your head (or stifling a yawn) you're not alone. Sleep troubles are incredibly common and they can leave us feeling like zombies during the day.

As a counsellor and hypnotherapist, in Surrey and Hampshire, I've seen firsthand how lack of sleep can turn our lives upside down. It's not just about feeling tired - poor sleep can make us grumpy, forgetful, and even impact our physical health. It's like trying to function with a foggy brain and lead weights for limbs.

But here's the good news: your mind is an amazing tool and hypnotherapy can help you tap into its power to improve your sleep. You may be thinking - isn't hypnosis just for making people bark like dogs on stage? Not at all! Clinical hypnotherapy, deeply rooted in science, is a safe, natural way to help you relax deeply and change those annoying thought patterns that keep you up at night.

So how does it work? Well, during a hypnotherapy session for sleep, we work together to guide you into a state of deep relaxation. It's a little like that drowsy feeling you get just before you drift off to sleep. In this state your subconscious mind is more open to positive suggestions.

We might focus on calming those racing thoughts that keep you tossing and turning or instead, perhaps, address any worries that are interfering with your sleep. Hypnotherapy can also help you establish better sleep habits making it easier for your body and mind to wind down at the end of the day.

One of the great things about hypnotherapy is that it's tailored to you. Maybe you struggle to fall asleep in the first place or perhaps you wake up in the middle of the night and can't get back to sleep. Whatever your specific sleep issues we can talk together to find solutions that work for you.

And the best part? The techniques you learn in hypnotherapy are tools you can use on your own whenever you need them.

If you're tired of being tired, why not give hypnotherapy a try? Together we can work on helping you get the restful, rejuvenating sleep you deserve. Sweet dreams don't have to be just a dream - they can be your reality.

Ready to say goodbye to those sleepless nights? Reach out to Imogen Ellis Jones Counselling today, and let's get started on your journey to better sleep. After all, a good night's sleep isn't just a luxury - it's essential for your wellbeing. Let's work together to help you wake up feeling refreshed, energised, and ready to face the day!

Have you ever felt like your partner just doesn't see you anymore? Like all the little things you do day in and day out go unnoticed, unappreciated? If you're nodding your head right now, you're not alone. Being taken for granted in a relationship is a common issue that many of us face, and it can leave you feeling invisible, unimportant, and downright frustrated.

As a counsellor in Surrey and Hampshire, I've seen countless couples grappling with this very issue. It often starts small – maybe your partner stops saying "thank you" for the everyday things you do, or they begin to expect you to handle all the household chores without lifting a finger themselves. Before you know it, you're feeling more like a roommate (or worse, a housekeeper) than a loved and valued partner.

Being taken for granted can manifest in many ways. Perhaps your partner always expects you to be available when they need you, but rarely makes time for your needs. Maybe they've stopped putting effort into date nights or romantic gestures. Or it could be that they simply don't seem to listen when you talk about your day or your feelings.

Whatever form it takes, being taken for granted can chip away at your self-esteem and leave you questioning your worth in the relationship. You might find yourself feeling resentful, angry, or even considering whether the relationship is worth saving.
But before you throw in the towel, there are steps you can take to address the issue and reconnect with your partner.

Remember that it's okay to say no sometimes and set healthy boundaries. This isn't about being difficult; it's about showing your partner that your needs matter too. Don't forget to take care of yourself in the process. When you value yourself and your own interests, it often encourages others to value you as well.

And always remember, your worth isn't determined by your partner's recognition – you are inherently deserving of love and appreciation. If you're finding it tough to navigate these waters on your own, don't be afraid to reach out for support. Sometimes, an outside perspective can make all the difference in helping you find your way back to each other.

Remember, a healthy relationship is built on mutual respect, appreciation, and effort from both partners. If you're feeling taken for granted, it's important to address the issue before resentment builds and causes irreparable damage to your relationship.

If you're finding it difficult to navigate this challenging situation, know that you don't have to face it alone. As a couples counsellor at Imogen Ellis Jones Counselling, I'm here to provide a safe, non-judgmental space for you and your partner to work through these issues together.

Have you ever wondered if there's a way to dive deeper into your unconscious mind and unlock the power of lasting change? As a counsellor and hypnotherapist in Surrey and Hampshire, I've witnessed firsthand the incredible synergy that occurs when these two therapeutic approaches are combined.

Hypnotherapy is a powerful tool that works hand in hand with counselling to help you access your unconscious mind – that part of your psyche that holds the key to your behaviours, beliefs and automatic reactions. It's like having a secret gateway to your mind allowing you to identify and change the behaviours that may be holding you back.

Through certain relaxation techniques, hypnotherapy guides you into a wonderful state of deep relaxation where your unconscious mind becomes more open and receptive to positive suggestions and change. It is a safe and natural process that empowers you to break free from limiting patterns and embrace new, healthier ways of being.

Counselling, on the other hand, uses the conscious mind to provide a safe non-judgmental space for you to explore your thoughts, feelings and experiences. This is a place where you can gain insight into the root causes of your challenges and develop strategies for personal growth and change.

When we combine the power of counselling and hypnotherapy something truly magical happens. Together we can work to identify and understand the unconscious and conscious beliefs and patterns that are influencing your life and then use the tools of hypnotherapy to enable your mind to make the changes you wish to see.

Whether you're struggling with anxiety, stress, phobias, low self-esteem or relationship issues the combination of counselling and hypnotherapy can help you unlock your inner resources and create lasting transformation.

In my practice, I often incorporate elements of person-centred counselling and psychodynamic models into hypnotherapy sessions. This holistic approach allows us to tailor the treatment to your unique needs and goals ensuring that you receive the most effective support possible.

If you feel ready to embark on a journey of self-discovery and personal growth, I invite you to experience the transformative power of counselling and hypnotherapy. Together we can work to uncover your hidden strengths, overcome obstacles and create the life you've always dreamed of.

Take the first step towards unlocking your full potential. Contact Imogen Ellis Jones Counselling today to schedule a session and discover how the synergy of counselling and hypnotherapy can help you achieve profound, lasting change.

Do you catch your partner laughing at their phone, typing away with a smile on their face? You may ask them what's so funny and they quickly dismiss it saying "Oh, it's nothing." Perhaps something about their behaviour just doesn't sit right with you but you’re not sure what is happening. Did it cross your mind that they might be microcheating?

As a counsellor in Surrey and Hampshire I've seen how the digital age has blurred the lines of emotional and physical infidelity. Microcheating, a term that's been gaining traction in recent years, refers to those seemingly small actions that may not be as harmless as they appear.

So, what exactly is microcheating?

Have you ever found yourself questioning your own memories or feelings in your relationship? Do you constantly second-guess yourself, wondering if you're being too sensitive or overreacting? If these experiences sound familiar then you might be a victim of gaslighting.

As a counsellor in Surrey and Hampshire, I've seen the impact that gaslighting can have on individuals and their relationships. It's a subtle yet manipulative form of emotional abuse that can leave you feeling confused, isolated and even questioning your own sanity.

Imagine coming home from a night out with friends and your partner accuses you of flirting with someone at the bar. You're certain that you were just being friendly but they insist that they saw you crossing the line. They make you doubt your own memory and you find yourself apologising for something you're not even sure you did.

Or perhaps you've expressed your feelings about a hurtful comment your partner made only to have them tell you that you're being too sensitive and that they never said anything of the sort. Over time these instances of manipulation can erode your self-confidence and make you question your own perceptions.

Gaslighting is named after the 1938 play ‘Gas Light’ in which a husband manipulates his wife into doubting her own sanity. In reality gaslighting can take many forms from denying events that you clearly remember to twisting your words and using them against you.
If you find yourself constantly apologising, feeling like you're walking on eggshells or questioning your own judgment then these could be warning signs that you're experiencing gaslighting in your relationship. It's important to remember that this is not your fault, and you are not alone.

Breaking free from the cycle of gaslighting takes courage and support. As a first step try to validate your own experiences and feelings. Reach out to trusted friends, family members or a professional counsellor who can provide a safe space for you to share your story and receive guidance.

Remember, you deserve a relationship built on trust, respect and mutual understanding. If you're struggling with gaslighting I invite you to reach out to me at Imogen Ellis Jones Counselling. Together we can work on rebuilding your self-worth, setting healthy boundaries and developing the tools you need to navigate this challenging situation.